If its platform is any guide, the Republican party is staunchly pro-life until you are actually born.

As we go from Abraham Lincoln to Theodore Roosevelt to Mitt Romney, I now understand why the Republicans don't believe in evolution.

I've invented Twofacebook, the antisocial network. You start being friends w/entire world & defriend people one by one.

Other countries care for their mentally ill. Making them debate on TV is just cruel.

The baby Jesus was the last homeless person the Republicans liked.

Call me a dreamer, but I think it would be great if getting medical attention were as easy as getting a gun.

It would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads.

Maybe this is crazy, but I think the right to own a gun is trumped by the right not to be shot by one.

The only possible reason the Republicans have declared a war on women is they must think women have oil.

If Mark Twain had had Twitter, he would have been amazing at it. But he probably wouldn't have gotten around to writing Huckleberry Finn.

It used to be that people could be painfully boring in private. Facebook changed all that.

men are comfortable around strange women, but women are rarely comfortable around strange men.

The world he thought he knew had become an odd thing, twisting time and purpose. But it had remained an unfair universe in the end.

Trouble will come soon enough, and when he does come receive him as pleasantly as possible. The more amiably you greet him, the sooner he will go away.

We can so reconstruct society that it will be self-perpetuating instead of as now, self-exhaustive.

And painful pleasure turns to pleasing pain.

Love understands love; it needs no talk.

Philosophically, I don't like doing commercials.

Sometimes, you like to let the hair do the talking!

In the sea of words, the in print is foam, surf bubbles riding the top. And it's a dark sea, and deep, where divers need lights on their helmets and would perish at the lower depths.

You're all mad for words. Words are just farts from a lot of fools who have swallowed too many books. Give me things!