If life begins at conception, but you can be born again later, only to live on eternally after death, what's the big deal about anything?

Life is like jury duty. Just do it and get it over with.

Competition is the death of art.

Have you noticed since Global Warming took hold that all the snowmen look kind of angry?

They say that cats are the only animal that can sit in your lap and ignore you. To which I say: you've never been to the Spearmint Rhino.

The Cadillac Escalade is the perfect vehicle for a pimp with a growing family.

Why do I always meet women as I'm leaving the dog park with a big bag of poop? And it's always on the day I forgot my dog.

Women are like pumpkins; you search and search for the perfect one, bring it home, and the next thing you know, you're looking for a knife.

I like to think of Doritos as emotional packing material to safeguard the feelings I've swallowed.

Unshaven dudes in hoodies and ski caps look so hip and cool, until they too close to a grocery cart full of dented cans.

To really make it look like Santa came, I put reindeer poop on the roof. It's just so cold up there with my pants down.

When you release yourself from the need for approval and control you can stop punishing yourself and others.

Don't be discouraged. When one door closes, you can find alternative open door.

When we pursue kingdom principles above His presence, we are looking for the kingdom without a king.

Sometimes I think too much fuss is made about marriage. Century after century of carnal embracement and we're still no nearer to understanding one another.

Any mature, spiritually sensitive view of marriage must be built on the foundation of mature love rather than romanticism. But this immediately casts us into a countercultural pursuit.

No one thinks they're irritating. Nobody thinks they're boring. So if you're playing a character like that you have to play them as how they think of themselves.

And suddenly the moon withdraws her sickle from the lightening skies, and to her sombre cavern flies, wrapped in a veil of yellow gauze.

If there was such a thing as re-incarnation, Floyd would come back as himself

No one is above the law, and no one is beneath the law.

Your money can be inflated away but your knowledge and talent cannot.