If men were necessary in the procreation process, they'd have gone the way of the dodo bird long ago.

False hope is better than no hope at all.

Love is like skydiving without a parachute.

Of course I believe in hell. I have three brothers.

A person without regrets is called a corpse.

A wedding is no way to begin a marriage.

What if there's no such thing as PMS, and this is just my personality?

You guys gotta get a license to drive a Geo, but any doofus with a few good swimmers can be a father.

Taxes for people with too much damned time on their hands.

Expect stupid. It's everywhere.

The trouble with insanity is it can flare up at the most inconvenient moments.

Worry less, pray more.

I see no point in being despondent. We might as well enjoy ourselves during our brief tenure of this life.

The only real security is the ability to build your own fires and find your own peace.

When I was doing Dobie Gillis, I got blasted off to the moon with a chimp in a rocket, and I landed on a deserted tropic island. That should have told me something was coming.

Tobacco is America's greatest gift to the world!

Faith comes by hearing all the Word, not just preferred sections.

Feminist objectivity means quite simply situated knowledges

Definitely, I'm always nice. Sometimes I wish I could be naughty, I'm just a little too boring.

A lot of my success is because of what I look like. I know that.

Love is louder than the pressure to be perfect.