If money don't buy happiness, what the hell does?

Excuses are like butt holes everyone has 'em and they all stink.

Matrimony and firefighting. They ain't for cowards.

A friend is someone who will bike to the ice cream shop with you, even when you don't look so good.

Let us talk about oxymoron, common sense, for instance.

Lust and love. They both put a fire in your damn shorts.

Celibacy sucks, no pun intended.

I'd rather be pissed off then pissed on.

It is far better to know the painful truth than to live with a kindly falsehood.

Sometimes stupid is crime enough.

Men have two outstanding features--their brains and their genitalia. Unfortunately, both rarely function simultaneously.

Youth is when you’re allowed to stay up late on New Year’s Eve. Middle age is when you’re forced to.

Old age is the most unexpected of all the things that can happen to a man.

And, believe me, if I were again beginning my studies, I should follow the advice of Plato and start with mathematics.

Everyone should be comfy during the apocalypse.

Failure is success in progress

I could do nothing but Brooklyn shows for the rest of my career, and I could die ignorant.

Like Aristotle, conservatives generally accept the world as it is; they distrust the politics of abstract reason – that is, reason divorced from experience.

If you don't like it, don't follow me, don't watch me, cause I'm not going anywhere.

Walls protect and walls limit. It is in the nature of walls that they should fall. That walls should fall is the consequence of blowing your own trumpet.

I was really lucky for the friends that I had and loved every minute of it. I don't think I was a geek, but I loved the studies and we had a really good theater company at our school.