If my jeans could talk, they'd plead for mercy.

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

If you don't have wrinkles, you haven't laughed enough.

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

I've tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t'ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.

Always take failure as an opinion never as an option.

Without harming anyone, how can I make this world more peaceful? How can I help others to fulfill their desires? How can I enhance and enrich the beauty and happiness for humanity?

Be happy in anticipation of what's coming.

In Indonesian, the word isn't translating as "gangster." It's "preman", which comes from the Dutch "préman", which of course the thing that's "freeman" in English.

In general, I did what a lot of character actors do: I did it to get girls.

God has given me a lot of ability to play the game of baseball.

Many frequently change their principles, but seldom their practices.

There's no drug in the world that can compare with playing music.

It’s very difficult for me to appreciate my own songs as I criticise them a lot.

The world is a living image of God.