If only St. Valentine was around to see his memory celebrated through the mindless marketing of whipping cream and lingerie.

If I do marry, I'll expect a pretty serious dowry. I'm talking goats, pigs, chickens, the works.

Life is what you make of it, unless you have tourette's, in which case much becomes involuntary.

If space suits looked less like marshmallows, I'd be more interested in going to the moon.

Cupcakes are the tattooed brunette chick of the baked goods world.

Love is a crocodile just above the water line waiting to attack the innocent herbivore of my freedom.

Met someone who works at the zoo. Apparently the panda is a nasty animal.

Happiness is a carnival game. It's never as easy as it looks, but the dumb ones always seem to be walking around with a big stuffed animal.

It's a wonder you don't see the zebra being trotted out as a metaphor for racial harmony more often.

Every time I see a happy couple I want to give them a polygraph.

Insecurity is like herpes. It's not going anywhere. May as well learn to laugh at it.

When you choose a man who thinks eight seconds is a long time, perhaps you need two of them. Hmm?

Writers express their thoughts through words

He that is not handsome at 20, nor strong at 30, nor rich at 40, nor wise at 50, will never be handsome, strong, rich or wise.

Let's just say that if you were stealing TVs instead of thoughts, you would have been caught by a half-deaf, mostly blind, fifteen year old dog three robberies ago.

I made Lost World in September of '91, and by the end of that year, I was living in Toronto.

Only a sweet and virtuous soul, Like season'd timbered, never gives; But though the whole world turn to coal, Then chiefly lives.

Bryan [Cranston] created something completely unique, that was earned by its authenticity. That's what gave us the license to push it a bit.

I'm an Internet expert too. It's all right to wire the industrial zone only, but there are many problems if other regions of the North are wired.

The thing about hip-hop is that it's from the underground, ideas from the underbelly, from people who have mostly been locked out, who have not been recognized.

Sometimes I worry I'm not going to be the best parent because if my baby gets a skin fungus I might sell him at a garage sale.