If only opening a Vitamin Water could be classified as working out.

The appetizer is just an excuse for an extra meal. Let's see, I will start with the eighty buffalo wings.

Yeah the appetizer, that's the food we eat before we have our food...No no you're thinking of dessert, that's food we eat after we have our food.

You wanna know how good bacon is? To improve other food, they wrap it in bacon.

Whenever you correct someone's grammar just remember that nobody likes you.

I talk kinda slow, especially for the Northeast, so it was a way to beat [would-be hecklers] to the punch.

My favorite vegetable is the marshmallow.

The only advantage to wearing glasses is that you can do that dramatic removal.

Anyone know if the shuttles to Hell will have Wifi? Asking for a friend.

One of the benefits of eating salad is that you can eat tons of it and never be satisfied.

In the end, the type of parent you are is going to be something that you carry with you. ... Having multiple kids, it's been a gift in a way. It's keeping the priorities straighter.

Courage is not the absence of fear. Hope is not the absence of trouble. Joy is not the absence of pain. Love is not the absence of obstacles.

Had Satan not set himself in opposition to God . . . there would have been no need for God to send His Son to the cross.

What a cruel irony it is, that we get to choose our thoughts but not our feelings.

He that fears not the future may enjoy the present.

I've always kind of lived my life to be as much as possible a positive role model for children.

The aim is to illuminate and reveal the alluring world.

Lao-tze's Taoism is the exhibition of a way or method of living which men should cultivate as the highest and purest development of their nature.

I think that, ah, I'm a very goofy sort of person in many ways.

Rock n roll is about drugs.

Don't let your emotions overpower your intelligence.