If pop music reflects the culture, this will surely go down as the era in which people rose up and realized it was fun to dance at parties.

Life is like jury duty. Just do it and get it over with.

Competition is the death of art.

Have you noticed since Global Warming took hold that all the snowmen look kind of angry?

They say that cats are the only animal that can sit in your lap and ignore you. To which I say: you've never been to the Spearmint Rhino.

The Cadillac Escalade is the perfect vehicle for a pimp with a growing family.

Why do I always meet women as I'm leaving the dog park with a big bag of poop? And it's always on the day I forgot my dog.

Women are like pumpkins; you search and search for the perfect one, bring it home, and the next thing you know, you're looking for a knife.

I like to think of Doritos as emotional packing material to safeguard the feelings I've swallowed.

Unshaven dudes in hoodies and ski caps look so hip and cool, until they too close to a grocery cart full of dented cans.

To really make it look like Santa came, I put reindeer poop on the roof. It's just so cold up there with my pants down.

The most powerful relationship you will ever have is the relationship with yourself.

Men, and pigs, are hard on women who sacrifice their virtue, especially for love." Mattis Tannhouser

There is only one thing in this world worse than dying and that’s watching someone you love die instead—you feel their pain with no final solace.

The crux and crisis is that man found it natural to worship, even natural to worship unnatural things

I thought that being popular in school was just so pathetic. I knew I had a future over and beyond the horizon of that school.

To say that... behaviors have different 'meanings' is only another way of saying that they are controlled by different variables.

I believe that only poetry counts ... A great novelist is first of all a great poet.

It's like these songs are your babies and you don't want anybody to think your babies are ugly! You never really know until you throw it out there if it's gonna take.

The Internet feeds off the main press, and the main press feeds off the Internet. They're working in tandem.

Too many facts are often as much of an obstacle to understanding as too few. There is a sense in which we moderns are inundated with facts to the detriment of understanding.