If sitcoms were easy to write, there'd be a lot of good ones, and there aren't.

If I won the lottery I'd start a charity that helped little family hardware stores, cobblers and fruit shops open in city centres.

My name is Alexei Yuri Gagarin Siege of Stalingrad Glorious Five Year Plan Sputnik Tractor Moscow Dynamo Back Four Balowski. Me Dad was a bit of a Communist, know what I mean?

Honestly, sometimes I get really fed up of my subconscious - it's like it's got a mind of its own.

People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs.

Americans have different ways of saying things. They say 'elevator', we say 'lift'... they say 'President', we say 'stupid psychopathic git.

Yuri Gagarin, the first man in space, may have had his charms, but he really couldn't be considered hip.

There's a part of me that still hates everything, and my natural view default setting is still very cynical and dark

I've been going to Granada for many years and 12 years ago bought a house a few miles outside the city.

Dire Straits is a great band. Someone tells you they like ""Brothers in Arms"" and immediately you know they're a stupid annoying git.

Israel is the Jimmy Saville of nation states.

Don't assume you are more creative or better than anyone, because some people with better stuffs are just pretending to be dumb for a while.

As for hearing, the sloth is not so much deaf as uninterested in sound.

Health requires this relaxation, this aimless life. This life in the present.

So always, if we look back, concern for face-to-face morality, and its modern emphasis on justice as well, have historically evolved as religious issues.

Illness is merely the bitter, which a wise Providence mingles in the cup of life.

You should have a fund of knowledge of something and out of that you make up you mind.

If you must choose between loving someone and acting so that they feel loved, always choose to love them.

A big chunk of Western civilization, consciously or otherwise, has given the impression that it's dying to surrender to somebody, anybody. Reasonably enough, Islam figures: Hey, why not us?

There, there, baby. We'll hide her body in the trunk later. (Tory)

An injured friend is the bitterest of foes.