If somebody tries to tell me the earth was created in 7 days I take a fossil and say "FOSSIL". If he still won't shut up I throw it at him.

All the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911.

MTV is to music as KFC is to chicken!

I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake.

There's no such thing as soy milk. It's soy juice.

Donald Trump came out as a birther, which is Republican for, 'I'm running for president.'

Elected officials shouldn’t get to choose who gets to choose elected officials.

If a group of people - leaders - can convince a group of folk who barely have a pot to piss in that the rich shouldn't be taxed-- THAT is leadership!

When it comes to idiots, America's got more than its fair share. If idiots were energy, it would be a source that would never run out.

You can never put too much pork in your mouth as far as I'm concerned.

What I find most disturbing about Valentine's Day is, look, I get that you have to have a holiday of love, but in the height of flu season, it makes no sense.

Christ commands his people to love their enemies, because if not, that would rule out pretty much the entire world.

I like my men like I like my roses . . . by the dozen.

I would love to see more women making their mark in the music that I love so much ... There are so many more out there just waiting for their shot. I hope they get it!

At least 23,000 civilians have also died in the Iraqi killing field and the U.S. is stuck in a quagmire.

The hardest things in life are done the least but provide the most.

The wonder of imagination is this: It has the power to light its own fire.

Let the straight-limbed laugh at the club-footed, the white skinned at the blackamoor.

All goal setting must be immediately followed by both the development of a plan, and massive and consistent action toward its fulfillment.

I did not wanted to become the victim, so became the bully.

I had rather, if cruelty has been prevented by the four prints [The Four Stages of Cruelty], be maker of them than of the [Raphael] cartoons.