If someone's lying, are their pants really on fire

Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don't stare at it, it's too risky. You get a sense of it and then you look away.

These pretzels are making me thirsty!

Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.

Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.

The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!

So let me get this straight. You find yourself in the kitchen. You see an éclair in the receptacle... and you think to yourself: "What the hell, I'll just eat some trash."

People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.

Keep your head up in failure and your head down in success.

Airline hostesses show you how to use a seatbelt in case you haven't been in a car since 1965.

Most nights, someone ends up in our bed. The kids do knock before entering. We've at least got that part down because mommy and daddy need some space.

Bad grammar is the leading cause of slow, painful death in North America.

Love seems to be something to approach with caution, as if you'd come across a wrapped box in the middle of the street and have no idea what it contains.

America is far less safe and the world is far less stable than when Obama made the decision to pub Hillary Clinton in charge of America's foreign policy.

Backward cities, or younger cities, or newly forming cities in supply regions, have to develop to a great extent on one another's shoulders. This is one of the terrible things about empires.

Ignorance, hatred and greed are killing nature.

Primates need good nutrition, to begin with. Not only fruits and plants, but insects as well.

Traditional investment vehicles such as IRAs, CDs, stocks and bonds do have their place, but for the rich, they are used more as temporary storage facilities rather than life-long homes.

The mind, the body and the world are made out of Consciousness but Consciousness is not made out of them. It is made out of itself. Therefore everything is made only out of Consciousness.

Perfect love means putting up with other peoples shortcomings, feeling no surprise at their weaknesses, finding encouragement even in the slightest evidence of good qualities in them.