If someone says that I'm the best at anything, I always just agree with them. I'm certainly not gonna argue.

I wanted to be a brain surgeon, but I had a bad habit of dropping things.

A man goes to the doctor for a check, and the doctor exams him and says I've got bad news, you've got cancer and alzheimers. The man goes Thank god I don't have cancer.

I was talking to Jesus, and I said, Jesus, I feel like no one will ever accept me. And Jesus looked at me and said, You know what my theory is? Accept me or go to hell.

I just don't accept midgets as human beings. There's only so much political correctness I can accept.

I would show up at a party for Al Qaeda if you said there's going to be a dinner.

When you watch Robin Williams, you can see a lot of Jonathan Winters. Robin is the first one to admit that; he worshiped Jonathan Winters.

Every time I give a straight answer and read it in a magazine, I say, 'Ouch.' One day I'd like to talk to a psychoanalyst about why celebrities reveal so much of themselves in interviews.

Comedy historians take note: this Gottfried character doesn't have the best eye for detail - and, for a Jew, he doesn't have the best eye for retail, either.

If you have the Old Testament at home, if you flip the corner pages, you can see Jesus riding a horse.

I'm one of those people that picks up the remote control and just keep hitting constantly, even if I like the show I'm watching.

Only in hindsight can we see that out fears and worries were unwarranted, that insecurities and doubts were just illussions, or that we should have taken a risk or dared something new sooner.

A happier life is a life for God & His Christmas now & forever! Alleluia! Amen!

People never lie so much as before an election, during a war, or after a hunt.

To admire me is to admire my silence, Petra HermansSeptember 5, 2016

True humility does not know that it is humble. If it did, it would be proud from the contemplation of so fine a virtue.

The wicked flee when no man pursueth but the righteous are bold as a lion.

An actor should always let humility outweigh ambition.

Your life only gets better when you get better, and you can improve yourself without limit. Learn something new every day.

marriages do not take root in the presence of witnesses but only in the consciousness of the persons involved.

I'm a kind of hard-wired pessimist. I can't help but see the world in a certain kind of way.