If someone sprays windex in your food it can give you diarrhea. But once you wipe it off your windows, you're fine.

I have the brain of a German Shepherd and the body of a 16-year-old boy; they’re both in my car and I want you to see them

Yet there are some people - Steve Allen would dissect comedy forever; he's a really funny guy, but he would love talking about comedy. I'm doing it right now and you all seem bored.

I'd like a nice piece of salmon that's not too pink inside and yet isn't too dry or crisp either.

Today is the first day of the rest of your life. And if that doesn't work out for you, Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life.

Behind every great man in prison is another great man in prison.

My father once told me, and it's stuck with me to this day: As you walk through life, every time you fart it pushes you forward.

Today is a brand new day. A day of change, of promise, of creativity, of kindness, and of love. I'm going back to bed.

I don't roll like that but I've never been with a hooker either. Yeah, that's good to say in an interview cause I feel bad a little because people grew up watching me and that's a little disturbing.

My dad told me if I was ever intimidated by anyone, just picture them with their clothes off. He said that's how he dealt with my mom.

I wouldn't hurt a flea. I'd finger a spider though.

The greatest violence, and the greatest threat to humanity, is the growth of MONEY.

Make foes of bowmen if you must, Never of penmen.

Resolve to edge in a little reading every day if it is but a single sentence. If you gain fifteen minutes a day it will make itself felt at the end of the year.

I also like men who like dogs. I couldn't date a man who doesn't like my dog.

I never did anything alone. Whatever was accomplished in this country was accomplished collectively.

The last time I saw something that tall standing so still for so long, it was perched on the edge of a cliff shining a light across the sea.

Leadership is an action, not a position.

In those days spirits were brave, the stakes were high, men were real men, women were real women and small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri were real small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri.

There's so much more to Colombia than drug trafficking, you have no idea. They're a bit worn out by the association.

Nay, we must think men are not gods, Nor of them look for such observancy As fits the bridal.