If someone took the 'F' letter off me, I'd be ucked.

A Muslim allowed a topless Jew to sit on his camel. And we say we can't live side by side? I say we try and we can and we will. And you don't even have to be topless. L'chaim.

We usually have margaritas on Thursdays but since it's Tuesday I'll make an exception.

Even if times are tough and you're enduring a terrible heartache, it's important to focus your anger on a vibrator, not another person.

Laugh loudly, laugh often, and most important, laugh at yourself.

I can't be skinny all the time. I like to drink and I like to eat. I like burgers and bagels.

I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people.

I'm very much about letting other people shine, because it makes us all shine brighter.

You do not OWN a dog. You HAVE a dog. And the dog HAS YOU

There are no warning signs on the trampoline. The warning is the trampoline.

I don't like the word 'alcoholic'. I like to think of myself as an advanced drinker.

Do you really need permission? Still waiting for that invitation to your life? No one is going to give it to you...only you can do that.

They make me...they make me think of being stuck somewhere? I don't know, like weighted down, but then these patches...

I can see us, living in the woods, her wearing that A, me with a S maybe, S for silent, S for stupid, for scared. S for silly. For shame.

Each individual is as individual as their fingerprints, and I think that's extraordinary.

Sooner or later we all quote our mothers.

It's a little uncomfortable doing love scenes in armor, but, you know, when the heat's on, the heat's on.

Society has traditionally always tried to find scapegoats, well here I am.

I wanted the truth, and I wanted the news, and I'd be damned before I settled for anything less.

My feet have been my best friend for the last 40 years. I've just been a dancing fool on stage, and after awhile you just kind of wear them out.

If you live the life you love, you get the blessing from above.