If something stinks, I say it stinks. But I try to massage it a little and not be as cutting, come behind it with a joke: Hey, I cut you deep, but now let me put a couple of stitches in you.

When life gives you lemons don't make lemonade, make pink lemonade. Be unique.

I noticed recently, in the last few shows I did, that I'm starting to get people - not a large group, but quite a few people - who come to see me because they love Curb Your Enthusiasm.

If you feel like there's something out there that you're supposed to be doing, if you have a passion for it, then stop wishing and just do it.

I'm here today because I refused to be unhappy. I took a chance.

Don't bother me while I'm eating, or when I'm coming out of the crackhouse or something. Just let me get going.

And then also I think it's harder for women because comedy is so opposite of being ladylike.

Some government workers are dedicated and work hard, but most of them are just waiting to retire.

If you're passionate about your work, it makes the people around you want to be involved too.

I don't like the saying keep your friends close and enemies closer. I want my enemy on a different planet.

I don’t understand why people really get upset about something that doesn’t affect them at all.

Sometimes the best way to get other people to give up their egos is for you to give up yours first.

You are to weak you need a prowl to protect you... I mean that A Prowl must be your friend (get it?? Prowl film!)

I don't think there is any truth. There are only points of view.

Granny Sheeran told me when I'm looking for a partner to fall in love with their eyes cause eyes are the only things that don't age, so if you fall in love with their eyes you'll be in love forever.

The Public provides freedom...Individualism begins after the roads are built, after individualists have had an education, after medical research has cured their diseases.

I have also seen [Adolf] Hitler upset when they had been having words. He was not immune from being bothered or upset by their relationship.

The most original novelist now writing in English.

Wealth is a monster. It takes a month to learn to control it financially. And many years to learn to control it psychologically.

The magic of childhood is the strangeness of childhood — the uniqueness that makes us see things that other people don't see.

I'm going to make more money than I need in any outcome.