If the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, it's that girls should stick to girls sports, such as hot oil wrestling, foxy boxing, and such and such.

The nice thing is that, at least in Los Angeles, I'm known as a character actor and I do auditions for other things besides just cartoon shows.

Sometimes the only way you can feel good about yourself is by making someone else look bad. And I'm tired of making other people feel good about themselves.

I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to Hell?

Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.

Beer. Now there's a temporary solution!

Go ahead and play the blues if it'll make you happy.

All normal people love meat. If I went to a barbeque and there was no meat, I would say 'Yo Goober! Where's the meat?'. I'm trying to impress people here Lisa. You don't win friends with salad.

Oh, everything's too damned expensive these days. This Bible cost 15 bucks! And talk about a preachy book! Everybody's a sinner! Except this guy.

To many, Homer may appear lazy and a loser, but he's just much misguided. He's boorish, sure, but well meaning and, I guess, the one thing we have in common is the pursuit of lousy diets.

There is no strong beer, just weak men

It is the dim haze of mystery that adds enchantment to pursuit.

The fact is that we don't want to be free. What is responsible for our problems is the fear of losing what we have and what we know.

I would like it to be said that I was a good writer of detective and thriller stories.

A promise must be about actions: no one can promise to go on feeling a certain way.

I'm not a workaholic, but I was a bit manic, I have to confess.

I want to feel something, as a person. I don't want to be bored.

I too entered the Lager as a nonbeliever, and as a nonbeliever I was liberated and have lived to this day.

Equality ... like freedom, exists only where you are now. Only as an egg in the womb are we all equal.

A grapefruit is just a lemon that saw an opportunity and took advantage of it.

I'm a sucker for hero worship.