If the audience knows what's behind the door and the actor does not, that's comedy. If both the audience and the actor do not know, that's mystery!

A famous actor, Edmund Kean, on his deathbed, was reported to have said, "Dying is easy. Comedy is hard."

I sort of feel like Cindy Crawford's new husband on their wedding night. I know what's expected of me. I'm just not sure I've got the ability to make it interesting.

I'd like to introduce a man with a lot of charm, talent, and wit. Unfortunately, he couldn't be here tonight, so instead . . .

Enjoy how sweet, how thoughtful, how kind I'm being on your birthday. Because tomorrow it's back to the same old crap.

I have a serious investment problem. I have no money.

One thing I can guarantee you. You may not be a great deal wiser from my talk today, but you will be a great deal older.

Enjoy how sweet how thoughtful how kind I'm being on your birthday. Because tomorrow it's back to the same old crap.

I'd like to introduce a man with a lot of charm talent and wit. Unfortunately he couldn't be here tonight so instead . . .

When asked to contribute ten dollars to a lawyer's funeral I said: "Here's fifty. Bury five of them."

One thing I can guarantee you. You may not be a great deal wiser from my talk today but you will be a great deal older.

We give up too soon.

Shadowed beneath his brow bone were cold dark eyes containing secrets and sadness, bitterness and grief.

Everyone wants to feel special - attain a special status among their pears- but not too special. Most kids want to be special the same way their friends are

Connecting dots is not that rewarding of an experience.

I respect every soldier, from every country, who serves beside us in the hard work of history. America is grateful, and America will not forget.

Lotte Lenya was all emotion. She wasn't anything but emotion. She was not an intellectual.

There's a lot of different things that we do during life that could personally harm us and I choose not to stop doing those things.

Love was love, one could find it with anyone, one could find it anywhere. It was just that you could never keep it. Not unless you were ready to die for it.

Producing films was a distraction for me for which I payed dearly.

Great programmers learn how to program their tools, not just use them.