If the people in Europe are SOOOOOO smart, how come so many of them can't seem to locate the deodorant, huh?

You should definitely visit the Louvre, a world-famous art museum where you can view, at close range, the backs of thousands of other tourists trying to see the Mona Lisa.

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.

Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.

The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes.

Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once.

Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.

Any titles, money, or privilege you inherit are actually hindrances. They delude you into believing you are owed respect.

So, I have to know, " he says, "what are you?"But just because he has to know doesn't mean I have to tell him anything.

It's not about what you tell the reader, it's about what you conceal.

Fact is fact. Truth is Truth. It does not matter how you feel. We do not listen to our feelings. We believe the truth of God's word.

A home without a grandmother is like an egg without salt.

Asking the author of historical novels to teach you about history is like expecting the composer of a melody to provide answers about radio transmission.

He who knows that all things are his mind, That all with which he meets are friendly, Is ever joyful.

I think Israel should be treated as an independent nation and not a puppet of our state.

O it is pleasant, with a heart at ease, Just after sunset, or by moonlight skies, To make the shifting clouds be what you please.

Our meaning is to make our little planet Earth a better place to live, to stop wars, disarm nuclear missiles, to stop diseases, AIDS, plague, cancer and to stop pollution.