If there is a secret to writing, I haven’t found it yet. All I know is you need to sit down, clear your mind, and hang in there.

Baseball is what we were, football is what we have become.

And the propensity of weak and empty people to follow a leader into the darkness from which there is no return is still flourishing, as ever.

You need the will to disarm the civilian population. If we can do it in Somalia, we can do it here.

My friend Phil has a theory that the Lord, having made teenagers, felt constrained to make amends and so created the golden retriever.

We have a new class in this country: the deserving rich. ... The deserving rich do nice things for each other. Comforting the unafflicted is something that comes naturally to them.

I am hoping for better times. That's how you know us hapless gardeners - by our dirty fingernails and our absurd, unquenchable optimism about next year.

Baseball has a special place in our hearts. It is the game that shows us as we would like to be.

Appliances have idiosyncracies, just like us. Unfortunately they have picked up our less attractive traits - they are proud, spiteful, and unforgiving.

[On men:] On their best days, the best of them are eight years old.

Human sacrifice is much in vogue right now. The Republican right thinks that people who get on its nerves, especially women, should be sent to the stake. . .

The Dictionary defines Soul Mate as: A person who is perfectly suited to another in temperament. Before I met mine, I didn't know I was bonkers!

When you are in a fix, often the fix is in you.

It's not pain. It's raw material.

Why doesn't she want me? The sun is rising now, but it is 93, 000, 000 miles away and I can't get warm... She won't be cold. She has the sun inside her.

Men who love themselves hate those who would dim their glory.

Wherever Jesus may lead us, He goes before us. If we don't know where we are going, we know with whom we go.

Know thyself. Accept thyself. Love thyself. No matter what you have done, where you have been, know, accept, and love who you are.

Make sure that when you agree with everything that's being said and when you feel passionate about your future, you take it into your hands. You do something.

Time must be explicitly managed, like money.

I never knew what was meant by choice of words. It was one word or none.