If there is hell, it was modeled after junior high school.

All the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911.

MTV is to music as KFC is to chicken!

I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake.

There's no such thing as soy milk. It's soy juice.

Donald Trump came out as a birther, which is Republican for, 'I'm running for president.'

Elected officials shouldn’t get to choose who gets to choose elected officials.

If a group of people - leaders - can convince a group of folk who barely have a pot to piss in that the rich shouldn't be taxed-- THAT is leadership!

When it comes to idiots, America's got more than its fair share. If idiots were energy, it would be a source that would never run out.

You can never put too much pork in your mouth as far as I'm concerned.

What I find most disturbing about Valentine's Day is, look, I get that you have to have a holiday of love, but in the height of flu season, it makes no sense.

This was how an enemy should be dealt with: with a dagger, not a declaration.

Image is only temporal. Substance endures. Who said, "Image is everything"? And who believed it?

I am crushed by your poor opinionBut will endeavor to carry on.

The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it emotionally.

Oh blind! Oh ignorant, self-seeking cupidity which spurs us so in the short mortal life and steeps us so through all eternity!

Wars are caused by unprotected wealth.

Make the right things easy and the wrong things hard to do.

I used to believe that prayer changes things, but now I know that prayer changes us, and we change things.

I think that our fundamental belief is that for us growth is a way of life and we have to grow at all times.

Indifference to fate which, though it often makes a villain of a man, is the basis of his sublimity when it does not.