If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?

We ought to change the legend on our money from "In God We Trust" to "In Money We Trust." Because, as a nation, we've got far more faith in money these days than we do in God.

We all worry about the population explosion, but we don't worry about it at the right time.

Who knows? Maybe my life belongs to God. Maybe it belongs to me. But I do know one thing: I'm damned if it belongs to the government.

Old men declare war because they have failed to solve complex political and economic problems.

To have a deeper understanding of life one must pause from looking outward and travel inward into the depths of consciousness.

Until the end of time, living happily will remain your sole responsibility on earth.

The only difference between a prayer and a curse is the one who stands to profit.

Beethoven can write music, thank God, but he can do nothing else on earth.

No matter what the odds, a man does not pin his last hope for survival on something and then expect that it will fail.

What really counts in life is the quiet meeting of every difficulty with the determination to get out of it all the good there is.

People fall out of love, or get married for the wrong reasons. People change. The older generation - they got married and had a kid when they were 20. How do you know who you are when you're 20?

If we shake hands with icy fingers, it is because we have burnt them so horribly before.

Yeah, I had to change my name because there were two other actors registered at Equity with that name.

Well, actually, the Second City thing came about because I was taking a few improv classes there. I thought that the improv classes would help with my wrestling career, which it has.