If there was anything I learned from John the Baptist, it was that the sooner you confess a mistake, the quicker you can get on to making new and better mistakes.

Children see magic because they look for it.

It's wildly irritating to have invented something as revolutionary as sarcasm, only to have it abused by amateurs.

... but to remain historically accurate, I would have had to leave out an important question that I felt needed to be addressed, which is, 'What if Jesus had known kung fu?

That's the difference between irony and sarcasm. Irony can be spontaneous, while sarcasm requires volition. You have to create sarcasm.

The Angel Gabriel disappeared once for sixty years and they found him on earth hiding in the body of a man named Miles Davis.

She hugged me and I could feel the heat rise in my face, either from shame or love, like there was a difference.

Blessed are the meek, for to them we shall say "attaboy".

The medium obscured the message.

Routine feeds the illusion of safety...

Nobody's perfect. Well, there was this one guy, but we killed him....

Let the improvement of yourself keep you so busy that you have no time to criticize others.

Morality existed only in action. It arose out of action: was formed and tested in action: expressed itself in action. That was why we mustn't cheapen it with words

Business ends up being very dynamic and situational.

Progress and reaction have both turned out to be swindles. Seemingly, there is nothing left but quietism - robbing reality of its terrors by simply submitting to it.

I'm OK with being the Old Spice Guy because before I was the Old Spice Guy I was the guy looking for work on his couch.

The president Donald Trump understands, we have to get unity across the world. We really have to make sure that we're doing everything we can to unify everyone against ISIS.

I drink a lot of coconut water. It balances out all the other toxic stuff I put into my body.

All that you can imagine you already know.

IF you are not for yourself, who will be for you? If you are only for yourself, what are you? If not now, when?

Aphorisms are portable wisdom, the quintessential extracts of thought and feeling.