If think the pig was terrified because he was fully aware that after segment he was going to be fed to Al Roker.

The thing is - I'm not an idiot. I'm rather intelligent, as proven by the fact that I just used the word 'rather' in a sentence.

Michael Jackson's charity efforts? Mmm. I'm sure they have nothing to do with his molestation charges.

I was told by a physician to avoid any line of work where people need to, um, depend on me for anything.

The Smurf village was destroyed weeks ago and Bush has still not made an appearance. George Bush doesn't care about tiny blue people.

America may be entering it’s Michael Jordan on the Wizards period.

There comes a point where the disappointments in your life accrue faster than you can find external forces to blame them on.

I haven't had a drink in twelve days and I've gotta say, I'm pretty shocked at how boring people are.

I used to play bass for a while and got to the point where I was good enough to be in a shitty band.

You rarely hear anyone use the word pancreas in a not-horrible context.

Canada, or as i call them, America Light.

There are occasions and causes, why and wherefore in all things.

When strange objects shapes the landscape, we get fiction

Wonderland was wonderful, but without a counterbalance, it could turn it's inhabitants completely insane.

Do we really need a study on why people lie? They lie because it's easy, and cowards are good at "easy." Telling the truth takes moxie, and few have it.

I love to sing and perform. It is what I do and love. It completes my life.

Ideas are a dime a dozen. People who execute them are not.

Shania Twain brought a whole other fan base to country music with her sound, the way the videos were produced.

To the irreligious person heaven would be hell.

Friendship demands attention.

To have lied is to have suffered.