If vaudeville had died, television was the box they put it in.

Marriage isn't all that it's cracked up to be, let me tell you. Honestly. Marriage is probably the chief cause of divorce.

One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.

The only way to avoid age discrimination in Hollywood is to die young.

I think the greatest imagination we can exercise is one that imagines how someone else feels. Because you know how you feel, but so often we attribute our own feelings on to someone else.

Today's audience knows more about what's on television than what's in life.

Contrary to popular belief, it's not the legs that go first; it's remembering the word for legs.

I write what I write and I honestly don't care if it gets on or not. I'm writing to see if I can find out some of what I think about any number of situations. I work it out in the writing.

We may be born equal but we're not equally talented.

Most jokes state a bitter truth.

Television is a weapon of mass distractrion.

The highway behind gives me courage to move into the future. I desire to see the first light of tomorrow.

Your conscience is your morality, expressed.

Moderation is the key to old age and the doorway to boredom

Certainly the advent of technology and electronic commerce has had an immense impact on the real estate industry.

What thwarts us and demands of us the greatest effort is also what can teach us most.

.. that terrible feeling that you're not good enough to be loved by the people you love most, and eventually by anyone else.

Falling in love is the beginning of all wisdom, all sympathy, all compassion, all art, all religion; and in it's larger sense is the one thing in life worth doing.

I used to be disgusted; now I try to be amused.

Fang: When do I get out of here? Max: They say a week. Fang: So, like, tomorrow? Max: That's what I'm thinking.

Strange people like chefs, musicians, and politicians affect me.