If we had known there was biting in soccer, we would have started watching years ago.

A wedding invitation is a gift subpoena.

If the internet has taught us anything, it's that you want less news and more cats.

NASA scientists announced the discovery of 50 new planets, among them what they're calling Super Earth. It's indistinguishable from regular earth until it removes its glasses.

We love things with biting - "Twilight" movies, zombie movies, eating.

Being a model seems like a dream job - lots of new clothes, cocaine, dates with Leonardo DiCaprio. But that's just for lady models.

I love Salt Lake City. It's beautiful with all the great outdoors around you.

We're excited for when Sony greenlights the $50 million film a "Bunch Of Swirling Colors" starring George Clooney and a lava lamp.

Buddhism - Tibetan Buddhism - teaches us many things, peace comes from within, we must be free ourselves from earthly desires...

The Olympic Charter says winter sports must be played on snow or ice, so the Chess Federation says they'll play with ice pieces. The Olympic charter also says sports must be sports.

Women are using makeup to make their eyes look puffy, their noses look red, and instead of going to the gym, they start their day with a brisk walk of shame.

It is uncertainty which fills life with beauty, excitement, and joy.

Dreams are what gives us insight into what may be if we have the get up and go to do it.

I am confident in my FAITH because I know the character of God and am assured by the love and mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ

No. It's actually not okay. And I hate when people say that, when they say it's okay even though it's not. It's better to tell the truth.

Laws to suppress tend to strengthen what they would prohibit. This is the fine point on which all legal professions of history have based their job security.

I heart abortion. Where's the shirt for that, urban outfitters?! And it won't be a normal heart. It'll be a dead infant heart. Y'know what the back will say? Problem Solved.

I enjoy getting to work on 'Saturday Night Live', where I get to do people like David Paterson. And then, its like a different muscle to do someone like a bicycle guy on' Portlandia'.

Success and glory are in the advance, disaster and shame lurk in the rear.

I was born in San Antonio, TX, but moved to Lakewood, CO in elementary school. Then, I moved to Valley Center, CA in high school.

Greed, for lack of a better word, is good.