If we raise taxes on corporations, what incentive will they have to make money other than the fact that it's the sole reason they exist.

God works in mysterious ways but at least he works, he's never on welfare in a mysterious way.

Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.

Internet users, that blue screen of death you were looking at this morning? That's the sky. If you're still confused, look it up on Wikipedia tomorrow.

It would be a very short pint. It would be gummy bears and matzah, and be called Chewy Jewy.

I'm a satirist, so I've got boxing gloves on if the person is worthy of satire. But I'm not an assassin.

This is America. We must defend the principles symbolized by Lady Liberty - unless she's on the pill, in which case, she is a giant green tramp.

Don't cry over spilled milk. By this time tomorrow, it'll be free yogurt.

An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.

Contrary to what people may say, there's no upper limit to stupidity.

What does Karl Marx put on his pasta? Communist Manipesto!

Death is so terribly final, while life is full of possibilities.

God cares. He will supply all your needs.

A meal can be an erotic experience in itself.

It may seem impossible to imagine that a technologically advanced society could choose, in essence, to destroy itself, but that is what we are now in the processnof doing.

The scarce water of Dune is an exact analog of oil scarcity. CHOAM is OPEC.

You have sent me a Flanders mare.

Phil [Wood] was known for having a little bit of a gruff manner, but he was all heart.

I want to age nicely. Rather than being afraid of aging, I want to take each year coolly and age gracefully.

Make yourself worthy of money and money will make itself worthy of you.

It's like the more money we come across / the more problems we see.