If we're all God's children, what's so special about Jesus?

Say what you want about the deaf.

The tragedy for comedians is there's nothing more they want than to be liked. We desperately seek approval. It's almost like a personality disorder you can do as a job.

My girlfriend bought a cook book the other day called 'Cheap and easy vegetarian cooking'. Which is perfect for her, because not only is she vegetarian.

British scientists have demonstrated that cigarettes can harm your children. Fair enough. Use an ashtray!

A lady with a clipboard stopped me in the street the other day. She said, 'Can you spare a few minutes for cancer research?' I said, 'All right, but we won't get much done.'

I said to my girlfriend, you shouldn't eat before you swim. She said, "why not"? I said, you look fat.

I'm not being condescending, I'm too busy thinking about far more important things you wouldn't understand.

I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die. I would have thought the obvious one was 'Shout For Help'.

If only Africa had more mosquito nets then every year we could save millions of mosquitoes from dying needlessly of aids.

People with Tourettes.....What makes them tick?

Be kind. Be compassionate. Be love. Be original. Be authentic. Be peace. Be yourself. BE.

The more books you read, the less topics you have in common with most of the people, that´s the price you pay for reading.

We all have bad things inside us, and we all choose either to give in to those bad things or to fight them.

To jump and break the sound barrier will not be a mere record breaking experience or another extreme event that ends once the mission is accomplished.

He plaies well that winnes. [He plays well that wins.]

The public is entitled to know whether or not I am married to Jack The Ripper.

But I was frightfully fond of the universe and wanted to address it by a diminutive. I often did so; and it never seemed to mind.

I don't think anyone can fall in love for ratings.

It's always exciting for me to perform.

It is precisely in relationships of intimacy that your craziness (and mine) will be hardest to conceal.