If what I may believe - about gall-stones, the Constitution, castor oil, or God - is conditioned by law, then I am not a free man.

Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.

On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last, and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron.

The demagogue is one who preaches doctrines he knows to be untrue to men he knows to be idiots.

The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.

Morality is doing what is right, no matter what you are told. Religion is doing what you are told, no matter what is right.

Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.

Democracy is a pathetic belief in the collective wisdom of individual ignorance.

The urge to save humanity is almost always a false front for the urge to rule.

It is inaccurate to say that I hate everything. I am strongly in favor of common sense, common honesty, and common decency. This makes me forever ineligible for public office.

Democracy is also a form of worship. It is the worship of Jackals by Jackasses.

I came here to show you the way to happiness is not through success but through love, compassion, and kindness.

Our identity as Christians is a purpose-driven life

That's your response to everything: drink?""No, that's my response to nothing.

What? Just because I can't have you right now, doesn't mean I'm okay with him having you.

Happiness is the longing for repetition.

I was a late starter on the romantic front. I didn't start dating until I was in my 30s.

Meanwhile,” Simon added, “I wanted to tell you that lately I‘ve been cross-dressing. Also, I‘m sleeping with your mom. I thought you should know.

The joy of living, its beauty, is all bound up in the fact that life can surprise you.

Money, if it does not bring you happiness, will at least help you be miserable in comfort.

I think that England made a very big, historical mistake to allow itself to become the kind of terrorist capital of the world.