If 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger,' how do you explain zombies?

I have the brain of a German Shepherd and the body of a 16-year-old boy; they’re both in my car and I want you to see them

Yet there are some people - Steve Allen would dissect comedy forever; he's a really funny guy, but he would love talking about comedy. I'm doing it right now and you all seem bored.

I'd like a nice piece of salmon that's not too pink inside and yet isn't too dry or crisp either.

Today is the first day of the rest of your life. And if that doesn't work out for you, Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life.

Behind every great man in prison is another great man in prison.

My father once told me, and it's stuck with me to this day: As you walk through life, every time you fart it pushes you forward.

Today is a brand new day. A day of change, of promise, of creativity, of kindness, and of love. I'm going back to bed.

If someone sprays windex in your food it can give you diarrhea. But once you wipe it off your windows, you're fine.

I don't roll like that but I've never been with a hooker either. Yeah, that's good to say in an interview cause I feel bad a little because people grew up watching me and that's a little disturbing.

My dad told me if I was ever intimidated by anyone, just picture them with their clothes off. He said that's how he dealt with my mom.

If you perpetuate the dreams of the past, you stifle your own dreams of the future.

Maybe the reason faith is called faith is because seeing doesn’t lead to belief, but belief transforms the way we see.

Laws of attraction could build a strong relationship among married couples or friends.

Zaphod felt he was teetering on the edge of madness and wondered if he shouldn't just jump over and have done with it.

Conscience is a Jewish invention.

There are people who in spite of their merit disgust us and others who please us in spite of their faults.

If you do not write for publication, there is little point in writing at all.

Language was such a profoundly new evolutionary innovation that our brains had to be completely redesigned in order to handle it.

I was the most powerful left-handed hitter in the Alameda area.