If women believed in their husbands they would be a good deal happier and also a good deal more foolish.

Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.

On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last, and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron.

The demagogue is one who preaches doctrines he knows to be untrue to men he knows to be idiots.

The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.

Morality is doing what is right, no matter what you are told. Religion is doing what you are told, no matter what is right.

Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.

Democracy is a pathetic belief in the collective wisdom of individual ignorance.

The urge to save humanity is almost always a false front for the urge to rule.

It is inaccurate to say that I hate everything. I am strongly in favor of common sense, common honesty, and common decency. This makes me forever ineligible for public office.

Democracy is also a form of worship. It is the worship of Jackals by Jackasses.

You can change your life, one day at a time.

Is there any creature on earth as unfortunate as an ugly woman? (wonders Lady Catelyn Stark)

At this moment, I know that the answer has to be yes. I am defeated. By my own father. How Darth Vader.

Live one day at a time, unless you can figure out how to live two.

The spirit is never at rest, but always engaged in progressive motion, giving itself new form.

Art is obsolete now. New technologies are taking over.

When chopping onions, just chop onions.

I never do anything I don't want to do. Nor does anyone, but in my case I am always aware of it.

The human species is made up of seven billion subspecies each consisting of one specimen.

No negative, all positive, affirmative. I am, God is, everything is in me. I will manifest health, purity, knowledge, whatever I want.