If you are a human being, you might as well face it. You are going to rub a lot of people the wrong way.

Delusions of grandeur make me feel a lot better about myself.

Unless you are at a picnic, life is no picnic.

I have gained and lost the same 10 pounds so many times over and over again my cellulite must have deja vu!

The ability to delude yourself may be an important survival tool.

It's my belief we developed language because of our deep inner need to complain.

Never underestimate the power of your actions. With one small gesture you can change a person's life. For better or worse. God puts us all in each other's lives to impact one another in some way.

If olive oil comes from olives, then where does baby oil come from?

I worry that our lives are like soap operas. We can go for months and not tune in to them, then six months later we look in and the same stuff is still going on.

One thing I have no worry about is whether God exists. But it has occurred to me that God has Alzheimer's and has forgotten we exist.

I worry that humanity has been "advanced" to its present level of incompetency because evolution works on the Peter Principle.

It hurts so badly when you grow up and understand that everything you believed in and devoted yourself were just fallacy and stupidity.

It's difficult to keep that perspective, I think, as a parent: to know your boundaries as to what's good parenting or just projecting your own expectations on your kids. That's the hardest.

Three blokes go into a pub. One of them is a little bit stupid, and the whole scene unfolds with a tedious inevitability.

I think you fall out of love with theater while you're doing your eighth show of your eighteenth week and your body is saying, "Please make this end."

Still when I lost her, I lost sight of any landmark that might have led me someplace happier, to some more populated or congenial life.

Put out great music, and that's that

Barton is a pretty brass tacks kind of guy. Kinda get the job done so I can go home. So I don't think it's very difficult for him to decide.

The ends justifies the means.

I will not have Botox. You know why? Because I eat! I eat the fat, I eat the vegetable, I eat everything. If you exercise and you don't eat enough, it takes its toll on the skin.

We want people to go to the movies. But the reality is that this is a digital world and we have to adapt to that reality.