If you are flammable and have legs, you are not blocking a fire exit.

I want to rob a bank with a BB gun. "Give me all your money or I will give you a dimple! I will be rich, you will be cute. We both win."

A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap.

I wish my name was Brian because maybe sometimes people would misspell my name and call me Brain. That's like a free compliment and you don't even gotta be smart to notice it.

I wanted to get a tape recorder, but I got a parrot instead. I think I did that joke backwards.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

My roommate says, "I'm going to take a shower and shave. Does anyone need to use the bathroom?" It's like some weird quiz where he reveals the answer first.

Spaghetti... I can't eat spaghetti, there's too many of them. No matter how hungry I am, 1,000 of something is too many. I'll have 1,000 pieces of noodles.

Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck is like a weak midget trying to bring you down.

Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults.

I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality.

My heart is aching for the people of Nice, Italy. I am so sad that I have no words to express my frustration.

Everyone become a creation of their environment.

We Americans have no commission from God to police the world.

The Moral Law tells us the tune we have to play: our instincts are merely the keys.

When there is a big tree small ones climb on its back to reach the sun.

I quite enjoy more teamwork and offering something up into the mix.

Reading gave me great comfort and pleasure. When I started being able to write, around seven or eight, I wanted to be able to do that myself, to create that other world.

As much as I long for a sort of security and consistency sometimes, I do enjoy sort of being busted around. I really don't know what's happening sometimes next week, let alone this year.

To me, there was no better drummer than Jeff Porcaro. His musicianship and kindness to me will never be forgotten. Our loss is heaven's gain

Pray, love, remember: and there is pansies, that's for thoughts.