If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, does anything happen?

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

Your opposition is the most powerful tool you can use to rise up.

His smile is too beautiful for this world, and I am dying of love.

Casual reliance on unnamed sources...corrodes our credibility and, in cases that are rare but not rare enough, may abet journalistic malpractice.

I'm not sure what I'm trying to say, it could be that I've lost my way.

It is very much easier to divide your outlook on the world into two halves, to say that you know this belongs to the daily half and this belongs to the Sunday half.

I saw a lot when I was young. The first time I got arrested I was twelve years old.

I do some eccentric dancing.

There is no doubt that we need to manage migration better.Migrants are always getting the blame for politicians.

A foolishness is inflicted with a hatred of itself.

You can't TV surf without coming across an Andy of Mayberry episode where you've just got to watch Don as Barney. And that's why I put Don in several of my movies.