If you are the person who gets the lion's share of attention in good times, guess what: you get the lion's share of attention in bad times.

My dad was Jewish. My mom is not. So I was not raised anything.

It usually takes two people a little while to learn where the funny buttons are and testy buttons are.

I get letters from women, and they say, 'I love your Roman nose.' If I weren't on TV and I walked past that same woman, she'd go, 'Did you see the beak on that guy?'

So you can look me in the eye and say that you are a president committed to cleaning up the environment?

Not a lot of conservatives on this list. Are more liberals than conservatives screwing up America?

The fact that you fell out of bed makes some people think you had more than one drink before you called for help.

The Iraqis have once again failed to meet a deadline for a final draft of the constitution.

Not only is it a great concept and a great idea -- helping people -- it's good pizza too!

America remembers. On this 12th anniversary of the 9/11 attacks, the nation honors those who were lost.

There was always an unspoken generosity about my mom.

Time is the source of all things

Never deviate from the right way and you will improve.

I don't have to justify its awesomeness/activeness/healthiness/usefulness to anyone, because it is MINE. Not yours.

I'm pretty positive, optimistic, so I always expect the best.

I like people trying to do two things at once.

It's a sad thing not to have friends, but it is even sadder not to have enemies.

Abide in peace, banish cares, take no account of all that happens, and you will serve God according to his good pleasure and rest in him.

Television is a very intimate experience. It's in your home, you watch it in your PJs and while you're folding towels.

I'll perform all the way to the grave.

You're always homesick.