If you are wearing a bandana you better have something wise to say, because you are starting with a credibility deficit.

I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.

How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.

I wear dark sunglasses when I want my head to look more like a limousine.

The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.

A lot of people like lollipops. I don't like lollipops. To me, a lollipop is hard candy plus garbage. I don't need a handle. Just give me the candy.

Earrings are the same as sneezes: Two is okay, but ten in a row is annoying. If you have two then, God bless you.

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.

A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.

When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.

There are brown eyes in the world, after all, as well as blue, and one pair of brown that meant heaven to me as the blue had never done

The vanity of human life is like a river constantly passing away and yet constantly coming on.

Everybody uses mime and gesture in real life, though we don't realize it. It's very useful as a performance technique, though it can be boring to watch on its own.

I would rather beat the Yankees regularly than pitch a no hit game.

I've tried and failed a lot. But I've also tried to be really clear about my brand. It is who I am. I'm a mum, I'm a wife, I'm 44 and from the Midwest.

The steady pressure to consume, absorb, participate, receive, by eye, ear, mouth, and mail involves a cruelty to intestines, blood pressure, and psyche unparalleled in history.

At some point, I told myself: the dress doesn’t own you, you own the dress! So act like it and attack.

I admire a man who fights a battle against opposition, and if there wasn't something about [Reverend] Galamison that the people, I notice that the power structure is against Galamison.

Many people have the reasoning facility, but no one uses it in religious matters.

Make today's solid ground out of yesterday's quicksand.