If you are young and you drink a great deal it will spoil your health, slow your mind, make you fat - in other words, turn you into an adult.

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.

There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible.

Mercedes Benz : A mechanical device that increases sexual arousal in women.

Tabasco sauce is to bachelor cooking what forgiveness is to sin.

A firm, hearty handshake gives a good first impression, and you'll never be forgiven if you don't live up to it.

At the core of liberalism is the spoiled child — miserable, as all spoiled children are, unsatisfied, demanding, ill-disciplined, despotic and useless. Liberalism is a philosophy of sniveling brats.

There's a whiff of the lynch mob or the lemming migration about any overlarge concentration of like-thinking individuals, no matter how virtuous their cause.

Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening him with it much more effective.

Watching Republicans in Washington is like watching lemmings, if lemmings jumped into cesspools instead of off cliffs. Splash! There goes Mark Foley!

Authority has always attracted the lowest elements in the human race

The big lesson of planetary science is when you do a first reconnaissance of a new kind of object, you should expect the unexpected.

At my graduation, I thought we had to marry what we wished to become. Now you are becoming the men you once would have wished to marry.

Family time was very difficult when my girls were little, but I never missed a birthday, I was there for every major event.

You have people who can't act and they get all these parts. Paris Hilton falls into her own category. She's made a career out of it

Oh for the sweet humpin' love of Tink! ~ Jenks

I know that the whole point—the only point—is to find the things that matter, and hold on to them, and fight for them, and refuse to let them go.

I learned that when you do the best job that you can do, some people will idolize you, others won't care, and some will vilify you.

I'm a big girl, Finn.

[Donald Trump] is not cool and therefore they're very proudly pointing out that none of them are gonna perform at his inauguration.

I'll no longer say that I have supernatural powers. I am an entertainer. I want to do a good show. My entire character has changed.