If you aren't laughing, you aren't living!

When a black person has no electricity, no water, they call it the ghetto. When white people have no electricity and no water, they call it camping.

I'm glad Hurricane Katrina happened. It taught us an important lesson: black people can't swim.

If you ain't laughing, you ain't living, baby.

Dee Dee Dee dosen't mean mentally retarded. It means stupid. This song goes out to all the stupid people out there. Your gonna find this song hilarious, and you don't even know it's about you.

I'll admit it, the Holocaust was definitely a bad thing, but do we really need Jewish people around? They have big noses. I said it! I said it!

When white people wear baggy clothing and speak gibberish they're homeless, when black people wear baggy clothing and speak gibberish they're called rappers.

Like my father I, too, was born in Central America - Nebraska.

I'll know America is in bad shape when Cubans in Miami get in the water and swim back to Cuba.

We celebrate Labor Day by not going to work?

My brain is very simple. Like when you break everything down. I see things in a simple way. And that simplicity for some reason becomes funny to other people because they don't look at it that way.

Spread kindness, caring, and compassion and create your own paradise. Infuse it with joy and you’ve created heaven on earth.

As a life's work, I would remember everything - everything, against loss. I would go through life like a plankton net.

The fallout from slavery is ongoing. I am not sure the issue of race in America will ever be completely solved.

For any speculation which does not at first glance look crazy, there is no hope.

I suppose it's easy to play a hypocritical politician with a smiling face; it's also quite gratifying to play.

I hope if there is another world, we will not be judged too harshly for the things we did wrong here—that we will at least be forgiven for the mistakes we made out of love.

That's the thing about running: your greatest runs are rarely measured by racing success. They are moments in time when running allows you to see how wonderful your life it.

I do take care of myself; I get my nails done, and I have a skin doctor, but that's it. I'm clean and groomed.

A mine is a hole in the ground with a liar on top.

I always try to be different. I always want to surprise myself.