If you ask my dad for help... he'll help. Like a vulture helps an over-run armadillo on a Texas highway. One peck at the time.

Screw normal. You know why? 'Cause if you're normal, the crowd will accept you. But if you're deranged, the crowd will make you their leader.

Everyone has an enemy. It's why God gave us baseball bats. Well, He gave us trees, but we knew what He meant.

I don't fail. I succeed at finding out what doesn't work.

Take the time to smell the roses. Sooner or later, you'll inhale a bee and die.

The normal make a living. The deranged make history.

I think when you sit alone with your brain too much, your own brain starts to rebel against you.

Socrates said, the unexamined life is not worth living. My dad said, Booty - mmm mmm.

I don't believe in right or left; I don't believe in Santa or Satan. I believe in things I can touch - like vodka and Oreos.

Anyone can have a relationship but if you're dating a woman who's so crazy in bed that if you aren't wearing your Kevlar one night you might never see daylight again... that's exciting.

The only thing that ever made me want to be a wife-beater is being called one. Your honor, can I have five minutes to make her not a liar, please?

Dell had left the army and taken the discipline home with him. I’d left the theatre world and taken the whisky sodas home with me.

Magic is never totally scientifically explainable, but science has always been, at one time or another, considered magic.

My page is junk, because I hate putting anything to do with me on the site, it just feels wrong.

One thing I've learned about the NBA is that you can have one good year, but you've always got to be progressing and working and making yourself better.

I'm not the kind of guy who likes to rush things through. I like to take my time and finish when I'm finished.

You put the right artist on the right track in the studio and leave the door open to let God in.

A fool will seek revenge, the wise man will allow God's karma.

Be a star not a diva!

A man and his tools make a man and his trade.

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