If you attack the establishment long enough and hard enough, they will make you a member of it.

The best things in life aren't things.

People who live in glass houses have to wash their windows all the time.

There isn't a child who hasn't gone out into the brave new world who eventually doesn't return to the old homestead carrying a bundle of dirty clothes.

Whether it's the best of times or the worst of times, it's the only time we've got.

The buffalo isn't as dangerous as everyone makes him out to be. Statistics prove that in the United States more Americans are killed in automobile accidents than are killed by buffalo.

You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you're doing is recording it.

The things that matter most are not things.

This is not an easy time for humorists because the government is far funnier than we are.

I worship the quicksand he [Richard Nixon] walks in.

This is a wonderful way to celebrate an 80th birthday... I wanted to be 65 again, but they wouldn't let me - Homeland Security.

There is no time for fear. It's much too interesting.

Grab for time to write instead of wait for time.

Writing stopped being fun when I discovered the difference between good writing and bad and, even more terrifying, the difference between it and true art. And after that, the whip came down.

Persons of genius, and those who are most capable of art, are always most fond of nature: as such are chiefly sensible, that all art consists in the imitation and study of nature.

Any horse can win on any given day.

Humor is... despair refusing to take itself seriously.

Had I been a dictator, I would still be governing.

In politics, merit is rewarded by the possessor being raised, like a target, to a position to be fired at.

My friends call me George, GM, or Georgia. But most people who know me from when I was little call me Georgia May.

We must regain our vision and hope and move our country forward on an agenda of peace and justice.