If you behave normally, people treat you normally. It's only when you act as if you're someone special that they feel obliged to stand on ceremony.

I've never understood the point of ecstasy. I think if I wanted to get dehydrated and jump about with a load of people I've never met before I could go to a Methodist barn dance.

Jogging is for people who aren't intelligent enough to watch television.

I once went to one of those parties where everyone throws their car keys into the middle of the room. I don't know who got my moped, but I drove that Peugeot for years.

I know I've got a degree. Why does that mean I have to spend my life with intellectuals? I've got a lifesaving certificate but I don't spend my evenings diving for a rubber brick with my pyjamas on.

Life's not fair, is it? Some of us drink champagne in the fast lane, and some of us eat our sandwiches by the loose chippings on the A597.

All my friends started getting boyfriends, but I didn't want a boyfriend, I wanted a thirteen-colour biro.

On a train, why do I always end up sitting next to the woman who's eating the individual fruit pie by sucking the filling out through the hole in the middle?

I can remember when pants were pants. You wore them for twenty years, then you cut them down for pan scrubs. Or quilts.

In Russia, show the least athletic aptitude and they've got you dangling off the parallel bars with a leotard full of hormones.

A man is designed to walk three miles in the rain to phone for help when the car breaks down - and a woman is designed to say, 'you took your time' when he comes back dripping wet.

If all the year were playing holidays To sport would be as tedious as to work.

The perimeter of the earth is about 3,000,000 stadia and not greater.

I just lost my lunch and I didn’t even have any!

Relationships between governments are important, but relationships between people are the real foundation of mutual understanding.

Direct navigation traffic is by far the most highly targeted form of web traffic available.

I started to wonder, and felt relieved that there might be truth to the idea of intellectuals all being frauds. I knew that I certainly was.

For me, politics is not a career. For me, my career was being in business and starting a business and making it successful. My - my life's passion has been my family, my faith, and my country.

There's no right or wrong, exercise is exercise and it's incredibly healthy for you and, you know, society. And it's a positive thing, so however you want to do it, each individual to themselves.

The cinema is an explosion of my love for reality.

After reaching 50, I began to wonder what the root of life is.