If you believe the past can't be changed, you haven't read a celebrity's autobiography.

When you finally go back to your old home, you find it wasn't the old home you missed but your childhood.

Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don't turn up at all.

Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair.

A man can please his wife with a box of candy, surprise her with a bouquet of flowers, and make her suspicious with a gold bracelet.

A man commented to his lunch companion: My wife had a funny dream last night. She dreamed she'd married a millionaire. You're lucky, sighed the companion. My wife dreams that in the daytime.

Nothing is as frustrating as arguing with someone who knows what he's talking about.

When you feel neglected, think of the female salmon, who lays 3,000,000 eggs but no one remembers her on Mother's Day.

It's not the hours you put in your work that counts, it's the work you put in the hours.

Success has a simple formula: do your best, and people may like it.

Computers are like bikinis. They save people a lot of guesswork.

You can't be brave if you've only had wonderful things happen to you.

Also, SKULLS. Gosh you love SKULLS. There is a good SKULL at the heart of any mystery, haunting its EVERY PAGE. That is what you always say. Or at least, it is what you always HOPE.

The Number One Rule of Working Is: DO THE BEST WORK YOU CAN. Why do anything but your best? What's the point?

I don't believe that there is anyone of faith whose faith would not be strengthened by those experiences of family.

The awful thing is that you can never be aware of what you are not aware of.

I am Dracula.... I bid you welcome.

It's important to keep the eccentric spirit alive, because when that goes, the work will go.

Private property is a necessary institution, at least in a fallen world; men work more and dispute less when goods are private than when they are in common.

There are people have grown up with implicit trust. Law enforcement, you name it. It's all gone. There's doubt about everything now. And this is not accidental.