If you came into the theater believing in the talking snake, it's kind of hard to leave the theater still believing in the talking snake.

I have a problem with people who take the Constitution loosely and the Bible literally.

The reason I love my dog so much is because when I come home, he's the only one in the world who treats me like I'm the Beatles.

Let's face it; God has a big ego problem. Why do we always have to worship him?

The problem is that the people with the most ridiculous ideas are always the people who are most certain of them.

If you have a gun, you can rob a bank, but if you have a bank, you can rob everyone.

False hope really makes you cynical.

To a coward, courage always looks like stupidity.

It's not getting any better for the American people. It seems to be getting worse. That's predictable; education is a cycle. Stupidity breeds more stupidity.

You know what happens when windmills collapse into the sea? A splash.

Here's the thing about Donald Trump: He never apologizes. He's never wrong, no matter what crazy thing he says. He's totally - he's the white Kanye.

Nothing but trees.

Looking back you realize that a very special person passed briefly through your life and that person was you. It is not too late to become that person again.

The purpose of water is to drink it but we swim in it for the fun of it.

Love and seek for knowledge.

That's the thing about time travel — you're always moving forward, even when you go back.

In England justice is open to all - like the Ritz Hotel.

Glory falls around us as we sob a dirge of desolation on the Cross

In Kali yuga, duration of life is shortened not so much because insufficient food but because of irregular habits.

Jesus did not come to change the mind of God about humanity; Jesus came to change the mind of humanity about God

I always thought storytelling was like juggling [...] You keep a lot of different tales in the air, and juggle them up and down, and if you're good you don't drop any.