If you can survive disappointment, nothing can beat you

When a person tells you that you hurt them, you don't get to decide that you didn't.

The greatest thing about having a child is putting yourself second in your own life. It's a massive gift to be able to say you're not the most important person to yourself.

I don't stop eating when I'm full. The meal isn't over when I'm full. It's over when I hate myself.

I have a lot of beliefs... and I live by none of them...

My kids used to love math. Now it makes them cry. Thanks standardized testing and common core!

When you have bacon in your mouth, it doesn't matter who's president.

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime. Leave the dude alone and he'll figure it out.

Everything is amazing and nobody is happy

What happens after you die? Lot's of things happen after you die - they just don't involve you

One thing I learned from drinking is that if you ever go Christmas caroling, you should go with a group of people. And also go in mid-December.

Sometime we get so tired that we wish to get defeated, and want to feel the pleasure of that failure.

Suddenly, I found I was married to a millionaire.

Because I write very simply, but inside the simplicity, there's a lot of subtlety. That's what I'm proud of.

All truth is very ordinary. It is peoples' fantasies of what is true that is so extraordinary.

With spirit we are all children of the cosmos; Without it we are orphaned and adrift.

If you ever think about giving up, remember why you held on for so long.

Perception is NOT reality. People have always said that - perception is reality. I reject that hypothesis.

Enjoy yourself as much as you like - if only you keep from sin.

The problem posed by indirect speech acts is the problem of how it is possible for the speaker to say one thing and mean that but also to mean something else.

Immersing oneself in the problems of a book is a good way to keep from thinking of love.