If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don't stare at it, it's too risky. You get a sense of it and then you look away.

These pretzels are making me thirsty!

Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.

Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.

The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!

So let me get this straight. You find yourself in the kitchen. You see an éclair in the receptacle... and you think to yourself: "What the hell, I'll just eat some trash."

People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.

Keep your head up in failure and your head down in success.

Airline hostesses show you how to use a seatbelt in case you haven't been in a car since 1965.

That is the corrosive paradox of gender feminism's misandrist stance: no group of women can wage war on men without at the same time denigrating the women who respect those men.

So you're an angel, fine, that's terrific. Now give me back my shadows. (Uncle Chaim and Aunt Rifke and the Angel)

To believe all you have to do is look at the sky.

There was nothing you couldn't do if you wanted it bad enough, and were willing to work hard enough to get it.

I think we need not only to eliminate the tollbooth to the middle class, I think we should knock down the tollbooth.

There's always down time when you're an actor, especially a character actor.

It sounds ideal, a sort of beach childhood. But it wasn't really. I didn't use the beach very much at all.

Don't be afraid to show who you are.

If you will fear nothing, think that all things are to be feared.

I was never a boy magnet at school. There was always the girl all the guys liked and wanted to date, but it was never me.