If you can't stand yourself, neither can anybody else!

In between goals is a thing called life, that has to be lived and enjoyed.

The trouble with telling a good story is that it invariably reminds the other fellow of a dull one.

The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, he was a genius.

Comedy has to be based on truth. You take the truth and you put a little curlicue at the end.

The best thing about humour is that it shows people they are not alone.

A great NOW will be a great WAS! A bad NOW will always be a bad WAS, and all you can hope for is a Great GONNA BE!

If you have no tragedy, you have no comedy. Crying and laughing are the same emotion. If you laugh too hard, you cry. And vice versa.

Jazz is a beautiful woman whose older brother is a policeman.

People come up to me and they thank me: 'I thank you for the many, many hours of laughter.'

Every language has its own music.

We men and women are all in the same boat, upon a stormy sea. We owe to each other a terrible and tragic loyalty.

arrogance is knowledge minus wisdom

Every day, man is making bigger and better fool-proof things, and every day, nature is making bigger and better fools. So far, I think nature is winning.

Justin Timberlake is terrific in this film. I told him it's time to stop singing.

Wherever we are, it is our friends that make our world.

Wipe your glosses with what you know.

The secret of dealing successfully with a child is not to be its parent.

You think history is going to remember the United States as a great democracy? No, they're going to think of us as a nation that became addicted to war. They'll call us warlords.

I think Jesse [Zwick] is part of a new generation of director, because we'd be kidding ourselves if we did not acknowledge that there is this unsaid rule that the hero looks a certain way.

The past isn't fixed and frozen in place. Instead, its meaning changes as life unfolds.