If you can't trust your coke dealer, who can you trust?

A Muslim allowed a topless Jew to sit on his camel. And we say we can't live side by side? I say we try and we can and we will. And you don't even have to be topless. L'chaim.

We usually have margaritas on Thursdays but since it's Tuesday I'll make an exception.

Even if times are tough and you're enduring a terrible heartache, it's important to focus your anger on a vibrator, not another person.

Laugh loudly, laugh often, and most important, laugh at yourself.

I can't be skinny all the time. I like to drink and I like to eat. I like burgers and bagels.

I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people.

I'm very much about letting other people shine, because it makes us all shine brighter.

You do not OWN a dog. You HAVE a dog. And the dog HAS YOU

There are no warning signs on the trampoline. The warning is the trampoline.

I don't like the word 'alcoholic'. I like to think of myself as an advanced drinker.

A spirit of satirical frivolity so dominated Britain in the 1960s that one critic feared the country "would sink giggling into the sea.

What is your original face, before your mother and father were born?

Therefore, let me in honesty speak the truth about our epoch and people.

It's nice to get your glad rags on for awards like the Baftas, but it doesn't happen all the time.

If you meditate with a teacher who is enlightened, you can ride with them into stages of mind that are perhaps not available to you at this time.

Wouldn't you like to have heard the voice of Shakespeare, or Jesus Christ?

I promised to keep on going but maybe keep on going means coming back first.

We have no right to come before God at all, apart from the finished work of Christ.

The brain is not an organ we are authorized to use. We are supposed to use only our hands and legs.

The blues - the sound of a sinner on revival day.