If you cannot patiently bear correction, endeavor to avoid fault.

They say that if you're afraid of homosexuals, it means that deep down inside you're actually a homosexual yourself. That worries me because I'm afraid of dogs.

I don't know the difference between a hippie and a hipster but, it's fun to watch either one of them get beat up.

Yeah man, they call gambling a disease, but it's the only disease where you can win a bunch of money.

Note to self: no matter how bad life gets, there's always beer.

When I hear a guy lost a battle to cancer, that really did bother me, that that's a term. It implies that he failed and that somebody else that defeated cancer is heroic and courageous.

I'm thankful for women. I think women are more intelligent than men. Also, without women, there would be no cookies.

You know, with Hitler, the more I learn about that guy, the more I don't care for him.

You ever see 'The Dating Game'? That's a weird game show. The prize on that show: another contestant. Talk about cheap.

The first principle of solid wisdom is discretion, without it all the erudition of life is merely bagatelle.

I always told everybody the perfect joke would be where the setup and punch line were identical.

Le ciel était absolument noir, il n'y avait plus d'étoiles, mais évidemment il en voyait une.

The difference between one person who is living in poverty and another person living in wealth is their understanding of what to do with time.

Man is the only animal that can remain on friendly terms with the victims he intends to eat until he eats them.

While the Holy Spirit is hidden, He is never, ever absent

Pond's is a name that everyone is familiar with, and I know that I can trust them when it comes to skincare.

Today, you always know whether you are on the Internet or on your PC's hard drive. Tomorrow, you will not care and may not even know.

Business is a marathon, and most of society thinks it's a sprint.

Intellectual honesty consists in stating the precise conditions under which one will give up one's belief.

Id love to own Newstead, partly because it belonged to Lord Byron, but also to try to uncover what dark secrets really lie beneath.

I think optimism is in the eyes of the beholder.