If you do a joke that's really old, then what happens is people on Reddit and Twitter just go, 'Real original, you're just doing old jokes!' But bands do it all the time.

We're not in an information age anymore. We're in the information management age.

Nerds get caught up in minutiae, because there is a tremendous and fulfilling sense of control in understanding every single detail of a thing more than any other living creature.

Bowling is all physics and energy distribution. It's F = ma. So it is actually one of the most science-y sports, because it literally is just a ball and a surface and objects to knock down.

When you hang around a lot of comedians long enough, you realize there's a certain gene, in every comedian. It's why we get hyper-analytical about things.

I do seem like the kind of guy who'd be obsessive about Rubik's Cubes.

No matter what tricks you use or what decisions you make, go easy on yourself as someone who's on a never-ending quest for improvement.

Steal moments of happiness if you have to, and then collect them until they are the dominant images in your psyche.

I almost think of nerd brains as rattlesnake venom; like, you can milk it. You can milk the pulpy venom out of the nerd brain and use it for good if you want to.

Humans cannot produce viable offspring with our closest animal cousin: the chimpanzee. We cannot impregnate a chimp. So you know what that means? No condoms.

I've gone from being bullied by jocks as a kid to being bullied by nerds as an adult.

If you feel like you don't fit into the world you inherited it is because you were born to help create a new one.

Don’t think for a moment that you’ve gotta be perfect to be paid.

world is not a zero-sum struggle in which one country's gain is another's loss.

Professionalism is a key to Perfectionism…

Our Lord has written the promise of resurrection not in books alone but in every leaf of springtime.

I will be dust, but dust in love

The whole world turned into an all-you-can-eat buffet.

Let not the spirit wander while the words of prayer run on out of our mouth.

We need American foreign policy that tells the world very clearly that it is bad to be our enemy and good to be our friend.

Digression is the soul of wit.