If you don't have children and you don't have a job, you have time for friendship ... People who have jobs are not the best friends to have. It's better to be friends with people who are unemployed.

In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.

Think before you speak. Read before you think.

My favorite animal is steak.

The conversational overachiever is someone whose grasp exceeds his reach. This is possible but not attractive.

A hobby is, of course, an abomination, as are all consuming interests and passions that do not lead directly to large, personal gain.

As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.

Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat.

There are two modes of transport in Los Angeles: car and ambulance. Visitors who wish to remain inconspicuous are advised to choose the latter

I've done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not.

Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.

To them, as to Magnus, time was like rain, glittering as it fell, changing the world, but something that could also be taken for granted.

This is Bourbon Street, isn’t it? Where’s the freakin’ bourbon?

—fear comes only when you don’t have faith in the outcome. And boredom comes only when you believe there’s nothing new worth learning. I simply can’t understand how any of that will occur today.

There is a sense in which the danger of our lives increases in proportion to the depth of our relationship with Christ.

I feel like I have a Ph.D. in life, I'm a survivor. I've not only survived, I've thrived.

I feel like I've been victimised. It's because of who I am. I've done my time for past mistakes, if it wasn't me there wouldn't be a reaction.

"The Moderately Talented..." is just a commentary on the conflict that happens when a young artist girl looks up to you, but you're attracted to them in a different way than they are to you.

Stop fixating on stuff you can touch and start caring about stuff that touches you.

... he who has independent ideas is hated by the mass[es].

Onward, my brave boys - money or no money - men or no men! Have you love? Have you God? Onward and forward to the breach, you are irresistible.