If you don't have wrinkles, you haven't laughed enough.

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

I've tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t'ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.

You know you're old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you're barefoot.

Making a movie requires 20 to 500 people to make and a lot of money and the stakes are a lot higher.

Compromise now, because you'll have to later, anyway, only then you'll have gone through things you'll wish you hadn't.

Ireland and England are like two sisters; I would have them embrace like one brother.

The world needs people who save lives.

Because I know that I am not my own master, I offer my heart as a true sacrifice to the Lord.

I'm a recovering alcoholic so I should be home.

You got black people in an all-white country and they don't know nothing about themselves.

It's so great to love somebody and, out of that, to make a child. So that's my goal.

Everything in my world was about him. What a silly thing to expect.

A great figure or physique is nice, but it's self-confidence that makes someone really sexy.